Reviews with content warning for Suicidal thoughts - Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction

in one part, he says that nic would watch movies like requiem for a dream, movies that are supposed to dissuade you from drugs, and he would want to get high. i have never in my life related to anything more. i always thought something was wrong with me, and maybe it is, but this book helps. it shows the real story, not a hollywood version. it shows how much they love nic, but couldn’t stand him. they love him more than anything and it ruined them for years. i love this book more than anything.

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sabatheinkdrinker's review against another edition

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adventurous dark emotional informative reflective sad medium-paced

4.75

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kelly_e's review against another edition

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emotional informative sad medium-paced

4.5

Title: Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction
Author: David Sheff
Genre: Memoir
Rating: 4.5
Pub Date: 2007

T H R E E • W O R D S

Validating • Honest • Heartbreaking

📖 S Y N O P S I S

Beautiful Boy is a father's account of his own journey through his son, Nic's, addiction and steps toward recovery. Starting with early family life, he traces the early warning signs and how Nic's addiction became his own preoccupation. An in depth look into what it is like to love someone with addiction.

💭 T H O U G H T S

I'll start out my review by saying this is a deeply personal memoir, one person's story, so of course it doesn't mirror anyone else's experience exactly. This is one of the reason it makes memoirs so difficult to review. With that said, for me this was one of the most beautiful and painful memoirs I have ever read. Yes, I am aware of the Sheff family's privilege, but David has been incredibly vulnerable, and there's no doubt in my mind how much he loves his son. My partner died of an accidental overdose in 2020, and this book made me feel seen. Outside of therapy, I have never been asked or talked about the impact my partner's addiction had on my own health and well-being. There are very few books from a loved-ones perspective out there, and at times my feelings felt validated by David's words. I also think it raises an awareness to what families go through and the toll it takes on each member of the family. One of the things I appreciated most about this memoir was the notion of a addiction as a disease, something many people still need to learn and understand. There are still an overwhelming amount of people out there who see addiction as a choice, when in fact it is an all-consuming disease. It is certainly easy to judge when your life hasn't been impacted by addiction.

There are quite a few mixed reviews out there, with many people condemning David as a father, while still others lack empathy towards Nick. Their opinions are certainly valid, but I think they missed the point entirely. Until someone is thrust into the world of addiction personally, it is easy to pick apart and judge others as opposed to being empathetic and helpful. Everyone makes mistakes that we cannot change, what this books puts forth in my mind is being in the now. This is where we are, and where do we go from here? I found this to be tribute to all the loved ones out there who have been in a similar situation to David.

I have been in his shoes, albeit a different pair,

📚 R E C O M M E N D • T O
• families of people with addiction
• memoir readers
• professional addiction counsellors

🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S

"Anyone who has lived through it, or those who are now living through it, knows that caring about an addict is as complex and fraught and debilitating as addiction itself. At my worst, I even resented Nic because an addict, at least when high, has a momentary respite from his suffering. There is no similar relief for parents or children of husbands or wives or others who love them."

"Karen and I have a series of sessions with the drug and alcohol counselor. He is a good listener, which may be what we need most right now, but it's not only that. He helps us clarify what we can and cannot do for Nic. He says that one of the most difficult things about having a child addicted to drugs is that we cannot control it. We cannot save Nic. 'You can support his recovery, but you can't do it for him,' he says 'We try to save them. Parents try. It's what parents do.' He tells us Al-Anon's Three Cs: 'You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't sure it.' Each time we leave his office, he reminds us, 'Be allies. Remember, take care of yourselves. You'll be good for no one - for each other, for your children - if you don't.'"

"If you subscribe to the idea that addiction is a disease, it is startling to see how many of these children - paranoid, anxious, bruised, tremulous, withered, in some cases psychotic - are seriously ill, slowly dying. We'd never allow such a scene if these kids had any other disease. They would be in a hospital, not on the streets."

"'There's evidence that people who become addicted, once they begin using, have a type of compulsion that cannot be easily stopped or controlled,' she says. 'It's almost like breathing. It's not a matter of willpower. They cannot just stop on their own or they would. No one wants to be an addict. The drug takes a person over. The drug, not a person's rational mind, is in control. We trach addicts how to deal with their illness through ongoing recovery work. It's the only way. People who say they can control it don't understand the nature of the disease, because the disease is in control.'"

"'I probably don't have to tell you that this is a disease that affects families, too.' the speaker, a program counselor, begins. 'They don't sleep, they don't eat, they become ill. They blame themselves. they feel rage, overwhelming worry, shame. Many people keep their suffering t\o themselves. If your child had cancer, the support from your friends and family would flood in. Because of the stigma of addiction, people often keep quiet. Their friends and family may try to be supportive, but they may also communicate a subtle or unsubtle judgement.'"

"Looking into James' eyes, trembling she continues: 'You went from being the kindest, gentlest man I had ever known in my life to a stranger, yelling at me, listless, depressed, unkind, and unable to share any kind of openness and intimacy. I keep asking myself...' She begins to cry. And then another, and another. They tell their stories, address their loved ones, apologize, rail at them, and weep. Out similarities are profound. To varying degrees, we have spent years accepting and rationalizing behavior in our loved ones that we would never tolerate in anyone else. We have protected them and hidden their addiction. We resented them and felt guilty for it. We have been furious and have felt guilty for it. We vowed not to take their cruelty or deceitfulness or selfishness or irresponsibility any longer and then we forgave them. We raged at them, often inwardly. We blamed ourselves. We worried - worried incessantly - that they would kill themselves."

"And yet every time I think I can't take any more, I do."

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marthareads111's review

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dark informative sad slow-paced

5.0

An amazing read. Very informative around addiction whilst giving a look into the heart breaking stories and struggles of addict Nick Sheff from his fathers perspective. Would recommend to a friend!!

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cwatson1234's review against another edition

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dark emotional inspiring reflective sad tense medium-paced

5.0

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