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danisacchi's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
It's about time. A book filled with women who are finally made visible - the ones who have foregone parenthood. Making the decision myself 2 years ago in my early 20's and making it permanent with my partners vasectomy, I felt no one truly understood and even if they did they still had children or were open to the pos ibility of kids. This book has been SO validating with MANY of the thoughts/experiences I've had myself in this process of deciding not to have kids.
At my core I feel it's the right choice but I love that she highlights the reality that we may always feel a twinge of sorrow or grief. Whether people decide to have children or not, there is loss on both sides. Really refreshing to hear. I also love that she provides practical advice at the end with questions you can ask yourself to get a better idea of how you feel. Some people may not know how to do the inner work and reflection to figure it out so she provides a step by step guide to doing so. A gift for many women (like myself, even though I already made my choice) who were never taught healthy self-regulation, reflection, habits.
I wish it was less heteronormative and she used same sex couples, and more women of color. So it is outdated in that sense. And it was repetitive at time but overall such a wonderful read and a good reminder that regardless of how alone we feel, child-free women are out there living their best life.
At my core I feel it's the right choice but I love that she highlights the reality that we may always feel a twinge of sorrow or grief. Whether people decide to have children or not, there is loss on both sides. Really refreshing to hear. I also love that she provides practical advice at the end with questions you can ask yourself to get a better idea of how you feel. Some people may not know how to do the inner work and reflection to figure it out so she provides a step by step guide to doing so. A gift for many women (like myself, even though I already made my choice) who were never taught healthy self-regulation, reflection, habits.
I wish it was less heteronormative and she used same sex couples, and more women of color. So it is outdated in that sense. And it was repetitive at time but overall such a wonderful read and a good reminder that regardless of how alone we feel, child-free women are out there living their best life.
jocelyn73c's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.0
Outdated in some ways, but still some helpful information.
usedtotheweather's review against another edition
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
Published in 1996, Safer's book shares the stories of the first wave of visible middle class women choosing not to have children. Safer, and her subjects, are clear that choosing children, or choosing not to have children, is exactly that--a choice, and this volume is an indictment of the false promise of "having it all." The book explores a variety of reasons for choosing childlessness, and the ways women focus their lives elsewhere; amongst interview subjects, career, passion, and creativity are central, but so too are friendships and romantic relationships. It is surprising to find that this book feels dated: the booming economy of the 1990s likely in sharp contrast to the volatile conditions of the 2010s/20s--a contextual difference that would no doubt yield different answers were the book researched today. There is also not a single mention of environmental degradation and global climate change/catastrophe, another set of circumstances I imagine would have much more of a presence in childbearing decisions now. I read the book to get a sense of how women made value in their lives unconnected to children--and this book offered several vignettes of this life choice, with compassion and insight from the author.
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