Reviews

Men I Trust by Tommi Parrish

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lape's review

challenging dark emotional hopeful inspiring mysterious reflective sad tense fast-paced

4.0

A single mom and a 30-yr-old in a mental health crisis meet. Maybe they can help each other, or maybe their needs are just so misaligned. The scene of the mother losing her temper and her son being so good to help her feel better had me bawling.

grace_machine's review

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3.0

Struggled a bit with thinking through this one. Feel like the objective is to tell a complex story about modern relationships, but the ending ends up feeling well, pretty pat to me. Would maybe hit different on reread.

ourladyofcats's review

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challenging dark funny mysterious reflective tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

eholyst's review

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emotional reflective sad fast-paced

5.0

BEAUTIFUL art style, perceptive character writing and story development

lesbianelvira's review

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challenging reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

very interesting art style that's a clear labor of love, with incredible ruminations on how hard it can be to experience healthy relationships with people when neither of you are mentally healthy and both are living under a sociopolitical structure designed to render you that way. that even still, so much is your responsibility, and in this way it becomes a cautionary tale. when you have a child, as eliza does, you ought to have a support system. if you don't though, as eliza doesn't, you're virtually the only person accountable to that child to be financially stable and self-regulate in order to provide safety and security. eliza faces the reality of the weight of her responsibility every day, and tries to put on a brave face doing it. inevitably, she has her lapses, and faces the consequences in knowing she's disappointed or hurt her son. i love that despite the grind of capitalism, she continued to create and perform her writing. that's something i long to return to - to express myself, and open myself up to the possibility of a meaningful exchange with others. one of my favorite concepts is that addiction is the opposite of connection. and she's trying to remain in recovery, and move toward connection.

sasha clearly feels very disconnected. despite her hefty safety net, we see how it isn't enough for her that the people who ought to love and support her ~unconditionally, her parents, do so. she wants for someone to do this who doesn't "have" to. she wants to escape into someone to feel whole, and do it with little effort. she wants the unconditional, because she's not used to conditions. & i think she thinks she offers this kind of love because of the intense and pedestal-like place she reserves for eliza in her mind -- until she finds out she's human, and relationships are conditional. she is unequipped to honor or appropriately respond to eliza's boundaries. sometimes peoples behavior or boundaries shouldn't be taken personally, but in eliza and sasha's case, sasha should take them as personally reflective. it is her responsibility to do self critique, for other's sake but also her own if she'd ever like to leave her comfortable and miserable cycle of trying to fill the void of connection in all the unsustainable and unsatisfying ways.

also, obsessed with the title. the title drew me in by thinking it was going to be about how women are so deeply affected by how hard it can be to trust and have genuine relationships with men. but to me, the title vs story is as if to say, women already know that; we actually more often can be deeply cut by women who disappoint us because we expect even more of them. we expect that they've been doing the same work, knowing that it's hard enough out here without blatantly getting in your own way all the time while crying wolf. we already know that there are johns out there, and shitty exes. but we depend on our friendships (including the blurry homoerotic ones) to endure against the odds. i think this book is meant to attract people who will wind up seeing themselves in these characters, to call us to empathize with our flaws, be reminded to navigate them rather than succumb to them, and stay open to connection. huge, huge fan of tommi parrish.