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meganriney's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
book_concierge's review against another edition
4.0
Ellen Gulden is a 23-year-old up-and-coming magazine writer living in New York City, when her mother is diagnosed with terminal cancer. On a visit home her father tells her that she simply must leave her job and return to help her mother. Kate has always been the quintessential homemaker – excelling at cooking, decorating, sewing, stenciling, needlepoint – every craft and skill to make her house a loving and welcoming home. Ellen has been more like her father – driven and ambitious, given to literary analysis and harsh judgment – but as she spends times with her mother and begins to recognize the hard work and dedication required to be the homemaker Kate is, Ellen arrives at some different conclusions about who she is, who her parents are, and their relationships to one another.
This is a thought-provoking read for several reasons. On the surface it deals with death and dying and the way in which our society treats the terminally ill. When the book opens, Ellen is in jail, accused of the mercy killing of her mother. So the reader immediately knows what the pivotal event will be. Ellen then begins to recall the previous months.
The book then begins to deals with the complicated relationships between adult children and their parents. Ellen is a young woman who has always sought her father’s approval, and diminished the contributions of her mother. Living with them again as an adult, in a difficult and trying situation, she slowly awakens to the truth about herself, her parents and siblings. She develops a much closer relationship with her mother, even though she still resents having to be her caregiver. At the end I always did what she asked, even though I hated it … I tried to do it all without screaming, without shouting, “I am dying with you.”
Ellen comes to recognize the value of true friendship, and how she has held people at bay (and why). She learns that she must forgive – her father, her mother, the townspeople, and, most importantly, herself.
I found this a very compelling read. I was interested and engaged from beginning to end. That being said, there are some scenes which are difficult to read, because Quindlen is brutally honest about what it means to be a caregiver to a terminally ill loved one. Several scenes reminded me of my own efforts to help my mother when she was still at home; her Alzheimer’s having progressed to where she needed constant attention to ensure her safety. Kate’s behavior mirrored my own mother’s resistance to being helped – because she did NOT want to be thought helpless. She had always been the caregiver, she did not want to be the one being cared for.
This is a thought-provoking read for several reasons. On the surface it deals with death and dying and the way in which our society treats the terminally ill. When the book opens, Ellen is in jail, accused of the mercy killing of her mother. So the reader immediately knows what the pivotal event will be. Ellen then begins to recall the previous months.
The book then begins to deals with the complicated relationships between adult children and their parents. Ellen is a young woman who has always sought her father’s approval, and diminished the contributions of her mother. Living with them again as an adult, in a difficult and trying situation, she slowly awakens to the truth about herself, her parents and siblings. She develops a much closer relationship with her mother, even though she still resents having to be her caregiver. At the end I always did what she asked, even though I hated it … I tried to do it all without screaming, without shouting, “I am dying with you.”
Ellen comes to recognize the value of true friendship, and how she has held people at bay (and why). She learns that she must forgive – her father, her mother, the townspeople, and, most importantly, herself.
I found this a very compelling read. I was interested and engaged from beginning to end. That being said, there are some scenes which are difficult to read, because Quindlen is brutally honest about what it means to be a caregiver to a terminally ill loved one. Several scenes reminded me of my own efforts to help my mother when she was still at home; her Alzheimer’s having progressed to where she needed constant attention to ensure her safety. Kate’s behavior mirrored my own mother’s resistance to being helped – because she did NOT want to be thought helpless. She had always been the caregiver, she did not want to be the one being cared for.
lizbeth5's review against another edition
5.0
Shattering story about family and death. Very difficult to read but so worthwhile in the end
neuroqueer_af's review against another edition
2.0
This is a bland story with overwrought literary pretentions. The "shocking and unexpected turn" described in the blurb is anything but. That turn of events isn't even particularly compelling or suspenseful, despite being alluded to dramatically in the opening pages. It is an easy read and wasn't difficult to finish.
tlctbr's review against another edition
2.0
This book was really just ok. There were times when I was really absorbed in the story, but the biggest problem was that, by the end, I just didn't believe in any of the characters. They were all terribly one dimensional and although the topic is an emotional one, I wasn't moved at all by Ellen, Kate or anyone else involved. It didn't make sense to me why Kate would stay with her husband when he didn't seem to provide her with anything she needed. I think Quindlen meant for George to be the type of narcissist that we all fall in love with and want to place on a pedestal, but to me his character didn't have any of the qualities required to make one fall in love with such a jerk.
Some of the plot elements didn't make any sense to me either. I don't see why Ellen would have been arrested for killing her mother and why no one else in her family would have been a suspect. George was never even really questioned- in reality I think they would have looked more carefully at him. I don't see why Ellen suspected her father even killed Kate in the first place, since his love for her didn't seem strong enough to do something so compassionate. Finally, the biggest issue for me, for some reason, is that I don't see why the mortuary would have performed autopsy that caused them to discover the large amount of morphine in Kate's system. Nothing suggested fowl play, except for Ellen's essay. (And I don't buy that Mr. Best was evil enough to require an autopsy out of spite. Would he even have the power to do that?) The Dr. knew Kate had cancer. Why get an autopsy to find out more? Maybe I just don't know enough about medical laws, but I thought it was up to the patient's family to decide whether an autopsy was necessary when someone with a terminal illness died.
Anyway, not one I would run around recommending to everyone. Maybe I'll see the movie, though.
Some of the plot elements didn't make any sense to me either. I don't see why Ellen would have been arrested for killing her mother and why no one else in her family would have been a suspect. George was never even really questioned- in reality I think they would have looked more carefully at him. I don't see why Ellen suspected her father even killed Kate in the first place, since his love for her didn't seem strong enough to do something so compassionate. Finally, the biggest issue for me, for some reason, is that I don't see why the mortuary would have performed autopsy that caused them to discover the large amount of morphine in Kate's system. Nothing suggested fowl play, except for Ellen's essay. (And I don't buy that Mr. Best was evil enough to require an autopsy out of spite. Would he even have the power to do that?) The Dr. knew Kate had cancer. Why get an autopsy to find out more? Maybe I just don't know enough about medical laws, but I thought it was up to the patient's family to decide whether an autopsy was necessary when someone with a terminal illness died.
Anyway, not one I would run around recommending to everyone. Maybe I'll see the movie, though.
barbaraskalberg's review against another edition
4.0
I saw a movie a bunch of years ago with the same ending. Curious to know if it was based on the book or a coincidence.
retiredlibrarylady's review against another edition
3.0
I was unhappy with the first part of the books because I didn't like any of the characters, but I persevered and especially appreciated the unanticipated twist at the end. Family dynamic novels are often tricky, and that is certainly true of this one.
leanney's review against another edition
2.0
Waaaay too depressing, and I have a fairly high tolerance for depressing.
ja3m3's review against another edition
5.0
This is really a remarkable book filled with several unpleasant, believable people who you care about. I wept like a baby. Highly Recommend.