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hoiyan's review
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
It was better to pay with your children than to stay with them. That was how it had always been.
the story, or rather, documentation of the life of a complicated mother-daughter relationship told through (love?) letters and stories of the past. this HUUURTTTT.
i appreciated Koh's honesty throughout. she didn't shy away from detailing the events that unfolded, but i also wish i could have seen more of her direct line of thought, whatever it may have been rather than just a documentation-type of narration. there were a lot of unsaid words in between the prose, but i found myself wanting just a little more from Koh herself as she reacted and navigated these complicated feelings. it's difficult to critique a memoir seeing as it's... another's life story, so my opinion here is pretty superficial.
i found the writing to be a bit monotonous, and despite Koh being a poet, i couldn't ground or immerse myself in her writing as much as i would've loved to. HOWEVER! i really did enjoy reading this for the topics Koh laid out bare for the world to see.
i loved the incorporation of her mother's letters, and how the two indirectly communicated to each other through the letters and this book. the two respectively feel so intimate, yet the ways they were delivered feel SO, so lonely. Koh does a great job in showing and inferring her own loneliness throughout the book, and touches on the theme of forgiveness a little bit towards the end. the generational trauma of abandonment and quiet resentment for one's own mother... OUCH. Koh's incorporation of both her grandmothers' history was gut-wrenching, and i almost wish there was more of it, if it were possible at all. i wanted those sections to connect to Koh's own sentiments about her mother, but Koh didn't directly convey her own feelings in that way, which i found lacking.
Koh's mother wrote letters as an attempt to emotionally accompany her daughter whilst physically abandoning her. in a way, i think i saw her mother's letters as her mother begging for forgiveness whether now, or in the future when Koh's able to process her situation better. each letter that's revealed as the book progresses makes readers feel a deep, deep anger and sadness. i personally don't see the ending as Koh learning to forgive. i wanted to see more of Koh's emotional grief of (in a way) losing her mother to something materialistic. maybe this portrayal was accurate in how she coped with the situation, but the narration felt distant in a book that's heavily relies on personality and self-reflection.
to all the asian-american/canadian daughters out there: this book will come towards you at full speed. the bit near the end about Koh and her parents talking about her job as a writer hit me like a truck and broke all my bones. that, extending into the scene of Koh's mother accompanying her on a work trip and telling people of her daughter's job made me feel a bit too much. the anger Koh felt there--i wanted more of that throughout the book. it finally felt real and less documentary-like.
i think i understood most, if not all of Koh's struggles here which just made it that much harder to finish. the story and idea was beautiful and so creative, but the writing could definitely have been developed more for a better execution.
My mother refused to come back to the cabin until I apologized. But I could not say sorry because of how it might feel to see the pride in her face, as if the way I had grown taller and prouder was a result of her raising me.
(and i feel this quote so deeply. i wanted more of this anger!)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Abandonment, Eating disorder, Violence, Suicidal thoughts, War, and Death
Moderate: Animal death and Grief
Minor: Fatphobia
aishallnot's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Genocide, Abandonment, Death, and Death of parent
Moderate: Eating disorder
rieviolet's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
This is certainly not a light read but it felt hard-hitting and emotional in the best of ways.
The writing style felt very unique to me, I found that many turns of phrases really wonderfully stretched the English language. It was an impactful style, bringing forth emotions in a very direct and poignant manner.
I really liked the book's structure, with the chapters interspersed with letters from the author's mother. I really enjoyed following the author's own experiences but I think that what stood out to me the most were the sections focusing on her grandmother's stories. They were so interesting and there was a very tangible and at the same time ethereal quality to them.
This is certainly a book that will stay with me and that I want to revisit again in the future.
The writing style felt very unique to me, I found that many turns of phrases really wonderfully stretched the English language. It was an impactful style, bringing forth emotions in a very direct and poignant manner.
I really liked the book's structure, with the chapters interspersed with letters from the author's mother. I really enjoyed following the author's own experiences but I think that what stood out to me the most were the sections focusing on her grandmother's stories. They were so interesting and there was a very tangible and at the same time ethereal quality to them.
This is certainly a book that will stay with me and that I want to revisit again in the future.
Content Warnings
Graphic: War, Violence, Murder, Gore, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, and Eating disorder
Moderate: Animal death, Abandonment, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Death, Death of parent, Genocide, Grief, Mental illness, and Blood
Minor: Alcohol, Body shaming, Fatphobia, Infidelity, Pregnancy, Sexual violence, and Vomit
noskills's review
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
5.0
I’m not sure where to begin, because there are so many aspects of Koh’s memoir that resonate deeply. Is it the long-distance parenting? Is it the role language plays as both barrier and portal at various times in Koh’s life? Is it the rich history, both personal and national? Is it her obsessively immersive approach to process and craft? I’ve dived into this work several times, quickly surfacing again, gasping for air, but each time loosing new treasures.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Death, Suicidal thoughts, and Eating disorder
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