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jbrooks1978's review
5.0
This book is great regardless if you faced infidelity or not trying to rekindle your relationship. It is a great book about understanding yourself and learning forgiveness for yourself.
jj2020's review
5.0
I've read this book once and am rereading it now that the reeling of discovery is over. I'm glad to be reading it again when my head is more clear and the situation is more clear. I appreciate the attention to explaining the whys of unfaithfulness and how a partner could get to a place where they step outside the marriage. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the implications and this books is helping me deal with them more objectively.
mellyjc's review
4.0
Extremely thorough! Appreciated the dual approach and level of detail. Clients initially resisted the title, but one cited recommending it to friends as a book 'all couples should read' regardless of Affair. A bit heteronormative.
bestdressman's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.5
While this book is somewhat dated (1997), it's clear Spring includes as much of her knowledge as she does knowledge within the field regarding approaches to supporting those dealing with the results of a revealed sexual affair or weighing the possible outcomes of revealing one. This primarily comes from a CBT lens in terms of its approach, and tends to favor more reflective approaches than actionable exercises or skills (though some of these are also included).
As a white queer man, I did have some hesitancies in the full universality of this book as it tends to uphold some pretty ableist, gendered, heteronormative, and monogonormative viewpoints and beliefs. I would also be curious to what degree nonwhiteg racial and cultural readers would feel their dynamics represented. This is the first book I'm reading on this subject, so I don't currently have alternatives, and I feel the principles and value of what this book does warrant a reading for those seeking info on this topic at the same time it does require overlooking marginalizing and sometimes antiquated research and premises.
As a white queer man, I did have some hesitancies in the full universality of this book as it tends to uphold some pretty ableist, gendered, heteronormative, and monogonormative viewpoints and beliefs. I would also be curious to what degree nonwhiteg racial and cultural readers would feel their dynamics represented. This is the first book I'm reading on this subject, so I don't currently have alternatives, and I feel the principles and value of what this book does warrant a reading for those seeking info on this topic at the same time it does require overlooking marginalizing and sometimes antiquated research and premises.
olyapro's review against another edition
2.0
Reading this as a therapist I could understand some of the points. But my clients who have read it have been frustrated with how generalized it was and did not help to restore their marriage. Other things were helping but not so much this book. Also, stating that it's okay to keep affairs secret made people question their marriage and if the affair that was exposed was the only one.
bluenicorn's review
4.0
I highly recommend this for those looking for a book on this topic- it has the unique angle of talking to both parties- the cheater and the cheated-upon, and is sympathetic to both parties.
I hope you never need it, but if you do- it's one of the better ones.
I hope you never need it, but if you do- it's one of the better ones.
miklosha's review
5.0
One of the best books on recovering from an affair in the relationship, After the Affair offers guidance for both partners on either side of the affair, how to move together through the recovery phase, and navigating issues such as rebuilding sex and intimacy, and role of internet/cyber affairs.
A book that is both for clinicians and for personal guidance, highly recommend.
A book that is both for clinicians and for personal guidance, highly recommend.
spongebobbiii's review against another edition
It's just not capturing my attention. I think their might be better for me to better understand this topic.
mutualaid's review against another edition
2.0
I am currently on a deep reading spree, reading as many books about affairs as I can, because I have a repeated pattern of being the OTHER woman. I feel this text helped me more deeply grasp the seriousness of affairs, and particularly the emotional experience of the betrayed spouse. I struggled with the text because it of course does not tackle larger philosophical and existential questions around the purpose and history of monogamy, or questions around freedom, identity, or ownership, the way that Esther Perel’s books do. But this book also has a seriousness to it that Perel’s books do not. Perel’s books are for people who want to completely transform their relationship to love and their conception of the Self. This book is more for deeply monogamous people, who view polyamory with deep fear. This book is very mainstream. It implies that when people cheat, it is because the relationship is unhealthy and both people are responsible. It goes through all of the ways people should heal their marriage to “affair-proof” it. It never discusses why monogamous people seed their very lives and purposes, identities and destinies in one another. Again, it’s strength is discussing the emotional experience and landscape of both partners in a cisheteronormative, white monogamous marriage AND worldview when betrayal takes place. VERY Useful for understanding the amount of pain and confusion that the betrayed partner experiences, and for dispelling naivety and miscalculations the cheater and affair partner may have about that pain, esp if the affair partner and cheater have different feelings and world-views about monogamy generally.
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