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crystalstarrlight's review
4.0
Bullet Review:
Rounding up to 4-stars because while this memoir is flawed, it is bringing something to light that is HUGELY important in our society.
I venture to say that the first half is the strongest, with a cohesive narrative while the second half reads as a litany of various projects and activism that Hida participates in.
This book will HUGELY challenge you in talking about sex and gender, even more than I thought possible in this day of marriage equality and trans visibility. Sometimes I had trouble wrapping my head around it, when sex is used to describe like 13 different things (biological sex, assigned sex, sex as a synonym for gender, etc.). Part of that is modern society's blurring of the issue.
Full review:
Disclosure: I received this free from Amazon Vine. This did not influence the rating whatsoever.
NOTE: I acknowledge I am a white, cisgendered female, so I am reading Hida's story as a privileged outsider being given the honor to learn something new. Thanks to Hida for their courage and the gift of their story.
NOTE: Hida’s pronouns as of 2021 are they/them and my review has been updated accordingly. If incorrect pronouns are still present, I will update appropriately. My intention is NOT to misgender anyone or to use incorrect pronouns; I am more than willing to apologize and correct myself. Any mistakes are my own and were not made in malice.
Hida Viloria was born with "ambiguous genitalia", but unlike most intersex children born in the late 1960's, they were not subjected to gender normalization surgeries. They lived with their enlarged female genitalia as a "normal" female child.
It wasn't until Hida was in their 20's and living in San Francisco when they first came across the word "intersex" - and then the realization hit that they were intersex. They spent many years figuring out what intersex meant to them, and became a spokesperson for the entire community - appearing on Inside Edition, Oprah, and more. At the time of the book's writing, they run the OII-USA, which is an intersex organization in the USA working on promoting intersex visibility.
Hida's memoirs opens the door on something we just don't talk about much - our bodies, sex, whether there is male/female or more than that, and what it means to be male/female/intersex. It's hugely appropriate for their memoir to come out now, with marriage equality, the transgender bathroom bills and transgender activists like Laverne Cox and Jazz Jennings. I applaud Hida for breaking down barriers, being unashamed to talk about themselves especially such a private part. Through their activism, they are making young intersex people realize there is nothing shameful with their bodies and educating parents about how trying to "fix" their genitals can create more problems than it solves. They are also a living example of a person who rejects our highly binary gender roles - that you MUST choose between being a woman or being a man. Between looking pretty, wearing make-up and dresses and being tough and having short hair. (Among other things.) This binary is something that my sibling and I discuss a lot, as the binary suits neither of us well.
That said, I feel like in places the book was far too long and far too short and in places far too repetitive. The first half is definitely the best, as it has a narrative and flow. It paints the setting for Hida's young adult years, their exploration of being a lesbian, their exploration of being intersex and switching from girl to boy to girl to boy to ultimately neither and both. As I am thinking about this, a day after finishing, I can vividly repaint some of the scenes in the early book, they stick with me so well. As for the latter half - well, it mostly reads like a summary of activism Hida has been involved in, along with more philosophy on sex and gender and appropriate terminology (according to Hida - they are okay, for instance with "hermaphrodite" and "herm" (ETA: at least as of the writing of this book) while other intersex persons do not like that). It's far more tedious than the first half; sometimes I feel like it's just a bunch of random dates (with new friends peppering the entries that never have the nice background and fleshed out "character" that friends like Jade and Beth had in the beginning section).
And then the repetition! Good lord! In the middle of the book particularly, Hida relates numerous events that feel like the same story with the same lesson - something happens (usually they start dating someone), they "become" one gender (man or woman) and then something bad happens (the breakup) in which they realize - they are neither man nor woman, so they should start combining the two sides. It's frustrating, because instead of feeling like it's a revelation (after the 3rd or 4th time hearing the variation of this story), I feel like it's justification - which of course, Hida does NOT need. I suppose as a human being, we often have these revelations multiple times in our lifetime (coming from a religious background, I am reminded of those people responding to alter calls or rededicating their lives to Christ because they have "fallen away" - or in my personal life, having to realign how I eat to life a more healthy life). Perhaps it would not have felt so repetitive if Hida had mentioned relearning this or rediscovering this fact, but it felt to me that every time they mentioned it, it was as if discovering it for the first time.
Hida is unafraid of speaking rather bluntly about the intersex community and the division in it. Most people wouldn't want to air "their dirty laundry", but in this case, Hida is so concerned that intersex people will think of themselves as broken and "wrong" that they are willing to be honest to make sure everyone realizes how beautiful they are.
A book like this is hard to review, because I am not one to judge a person's life story. I think Hida wrote the most authentic memoir they could. They shared their story for young people like themselves seeking some answers. If one person is encouraged by this memoir, then it doesn't matter how belabored and boring the second half is - the book would have been more than worth the time Hida spent writing, the publishing costs, etc.
I do recommend everyone read this book. Open your mind, your heart and listen to Hida. Remember that the world is filled with many types of people, and try to put your own ego on the shelf and accept your fellow human being - whether that person is male, female, neither or both.
Rounding up to 4-stars because while this memoir is flawed, it is bringing something to light that is HUGELY important in our society.
I venture to say that the first half is the strongest, with a cohesive narrative while the second half reads as a litany of various projects and activism that Hida participates in.
This book will HUGELY challenge you in talking about sex and gender, even more than I thought possible in this day of marriage equality and trans visibility. Sometimes I had trouble wrapping my head around it, when sex is used to describe like 13 different things (biological sex, assigned sex, sex as a synonym for gender, etc.). Part of that is modern society's blurring of the issue.
Full review:
Disclosure: I received this free from Amazon Vine. This did not influence the rating whatsoever.
NOTE: I acknowledge I am a white, cisgendered female, so I am reading Hida's story as a privileged outsider being given the honor to learn something new. Thanks to Hida for their courage and the gift of their story.
NOTE: Hida’s pronouns as of 2021 are they/them and my review has been updated accordingly. If incorrect pronouns are still present, I will update appropriately. My intention is NOT to misgender anyone or to use incorrect pronouns; I am more than willing to apologize and correct myself. Any mistakes are my own and were not made in malice.
Hida Viloria was born with "ambiguous genitalia", but unlike most intersex children born in the late 1960's, they were not subjected to gender normalization surgeries. They lived with their enlarged female genitalia as a "normal" female child.
It wasn't until Hida was in their 20's and living in San Francisco when they first came across the word "intersex" - and then the realization hit that they were intersex. They spent many years figuring out what intersex meant to them, and became a spokesperson for the entire community - appearing on Inside Edition, Oprah, and more. At the time of the book's writing, they run the OII-USA, which is an intersex organization in the USA working on promoting intersex visibility.
Hida's memoirs opens the door on something we just don't talk about much - our bodies, sex, whether there is male/female or more than that, and what it means to be male/female/intersex. It's hugely appropriate for their memoir to come out now, with marriage equality, the transgender bathroom bills and transgender activists like Laverne Cox and Jazz Jennings. I applaud Hida for breaking down barriers, being unashamed to talk about themselves especially such a private part. Through their activism, they are making young intersex people realize there is nothing shameful with their bodies and educating parents about how trying to "fix" their genitals can create more problems than it solves. They are also a living example of a person who rejects our highly binary gender roles - that you MUST choose between being a woman or being a man. Between looking pretty, wearing make-up and dresses and being tough and having short hair. (Among other things.) This binary is something that my sibling and I discuss a lot, as the binary suits neither of us well.
That said, I feel like in places the book was far too long and far too short and in places far too repetitive. The first half is definitely the best, as it has a narrative and flow. It paints the setting for Hida's young adult years, their exploration of being a lesbian, their exploration of being intersex and switching from girl to boy to girl to boy to ultimately neither and both. As I am thinking about this, a day after finishing, I can vividly repaint some of the scenes in the early book, they stick with me so well. As for the latter half - well, it mostly reads like a summary of activism Hida has been involved in, along with more philosophy on sex and gender and appropriate terminology (according to Hida - they are okay, for instance with "hermaphrodite" and "herm" (ETA: at least as of the writing of this book) while other intersex persons do not like that). It's far more tedious than the first half; sometimes I feel like it's just a bunch of random dates (with new friends peppering the entries that never have the nice background and fleshed out "character" that friends like Jade and Beth had in the beginning section).
And then the repetition! Good lord! In the middle of the book particularly, Hida relates numerous events that feel like the same story with the same lesson - something happens (usually they start dating someone), they "become" one gender (man or woman) and then something bad happens (the breakup) in which they realize - they are neither man nor woman, so they should start combining the two sides. It's frustrating, because instead of feeling like it's a revelation (after the 3rd or 4th time hearing the variation of this story), I feel like it's justification - which of course, Hida does NOT need. I suppose as a human being, we often have these revelations multiple times in our lifetime (coming from a religious background, I am reminded of those people responding to alter calls or rededicating their lives to Christ because they have "fallen away" - or in my personal life, having to realign how I eat to life a more healthy life). Perhaps it would not have felt so repetitive if Hida had mentioned relearning this or rediscovering this fact, but it felt to me that every time they mentioned it, it was as if discovering it for the first time.
Hida is unafraid of speaking rather bluntly about the intersex community and the division in it. Most people wouldn't want to air "their dirty laundry", but in this case, Hida is so concerned that intersex people will think of themselves as broken and "wrong" that they are willing to be honest to make sure everyone realizes how beautiful they are.
A book like this is hard to review, because I am not one to judge a person's life story. I think Hida wrote the most authentic memoir they could. They shared their story for young people like themselves seeking some answers. If one person is encouraged by this memoir, then it doesn't matter how belabored and boring the second half is - the book would have been more than worth the time Hida spent writing, the publishing costs, etc.
I do recommend everyone read this book. Open your mind, your heart and listen to Hida. Remember that the world is filled with many types of people, and try to put your own ego on the shelf and accept your fellow human being - whether that person is male, female, neither or both.
trevoryan's review
5.0
A brilliant, extremely important book. I feel we will look back on this book in decades to come as a major turning point in our understanding, awareness, and compassion for intersex people.
kelseypixel's review
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
I loved this book. I learned so much about my community. I am so thankful to the lifetime of work that Hida has put into furthering visibility and rights for intersex people.
I loved all of this book. I disagree with other reviewers saying that the second half of the book is all over the place. I think that a persons life is a bunch of fragments and Hida did a great job of compiling the interesting and educational bits. I loved all of the experiences that they shared with us and felt that they all added up to an incredible journey that I was happy to read.
Thank you for writing this book, it means a lot to me.
I loved all of this book. I disagree with other reviewers saying that the second half of the book is all over the place. I think that a persons life is a bunch of fragments and Hida did a great job of compiling the interesting and educational bits. I loved all of the experiences that they shared with us and felt that they all added up to an incredible journey that I was happy to read.
Thank you for writing this book, it means a lot to me.
francesmthompson's review
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Fascinating and honest and thought-provoking. A gentle warning that there are some comments which came across as biphobic to me which was disappointing.
stinky_goblin's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
mesy_mark's review against another edition
informative
slow-paced
2.75
This was an interesting book on a life of activism and life as an intact intersex woman. Hida was born with a large clitoris, something that resembles a small penis, many women who ate at a large length have theirs cut away to fit a 'normal' girl model. She was spared. this is a book on her life as an intersex woman living life and in activism.
The book suffers a little bit of repetitive syndrome. Some points don't seem to move the story forward as a large chunk of the book is on her activism so things like burning man which didn't add to her activism or much to intersex as to other moments in the book are interesting but a distraction and left me wondering what the point of that section was. She covers a lot of figuring out her identity along with activism.
An easy listen to to get insight on one intersex person's experience I am glad I was able to finally read this memoir.
The book suffers a little bit of repetitive syndrome. Some points don't seem to move the story forward as a large chunk of the book is on her activism so things like burning man which didn't add to her activism or much to intersex as to other moments in the book are interesting but a distraction and left me wondering what the point of that section was. She covers a lot of figuring out her identity along with activism.
An easy listen to to get insight on one intersex person's experience I am glad I was able to finally read this memoir.