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shonaningyo's review against another edition
4.0
I'm beginning to put myself in a niche of abuse memoirs. Isn't it simply fascinating that these are so popular and frequently made? I'm not saying that people shouldn't speak out with their story of survival from abuse, but it makes you wonder, "What the hell does society have to do to make sure this never starts in the first place?"
We have to wait decades until someone comes forward and says, "I've been abused". Then it's too little, too late to save them. Well, they can be "saved", but they're not innocent anymore. Their childhoods were taken from them--perhaps before they could comprehend a childhood.
This book reiterated that abuse can simply fuck a person up. A developing brain should not be abused. If you were going to abuse someone--let's pretend you had to pick someone--then make it an adult. IF they were raised right then I would assume they would have more...stable ground to hold their minds together instead of having it unravel without their knowing.
Continuing with this little thread of my personal thoughts, I just realized that Child Abuse > Domestic/Spousal Abuse. I'm sorry, but if you , a FLIPPING ADULT, can't get out of a dangerous situation when there are NO children involved to be used as blackmail or leverage against you, then I think you should try a little harder. Kids have absolutely none of those powers, since their parents' authority will intervene and whisk 'em away before they have the chance to speak out.
Anyway, Sue's father was ... ugh.
This book...it's so..different from other abuse memoirs I've read. Others I've read have a sort of ... detached air about them. The "emotions" are limited to what they felt at the time and simple inner thoughts that explain why they did this and this. Or thoughts concerning their abuser and bystanders and trying to figure out their ways of thinking, more often than not in order to try to get someone's attention or to avoid their abuser at all costs.
Sue William Silverman wrote this book in such a way that we were frequently able to actually feel her train of thought and mindset at certain times, whether it be her in the bathtub being molested by her father, her solace in her makeshift Christmas tree (her mother was Jewish and therefore against any celebration during the holidays), or her justification for her abuse ("I'm a slut" "I'm a whore" "I can make Daddy feel better with my body"). You actually read this book and follow the crooked line of thoughts that a child at that time, with that kind of abuse directed towards them, would think and feel.
So realistic. So...right. I didn't feel like I was "her" when reading this book, but I was farther in her child-self's psyche than would be deemed comfortable. It was almost like I was reading a recording of her train of thoughts that were recollected years later. Of course, train of thought isn't the most stable of prose, so this book is obviously set up in the recollection, retelling format that all like bios are composed.
And at the end when she found out that I literally stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk---about 50 yards from the Lutheran Church property, mind you--and literally said, "Oh what the fuck?!" SERIOUSLY?! You expect me, ME, to have sympathy for you?! Just like Sue's psychiatrist said, "He was an adult at the time he started abusing you. and blah blah blah " which I take as equal to "Your father was a dickhead and an asshat and a goddamn child molester. Feeling sympathy for his shitty childhood is dumb as fuck." Though probably without that much venom.
And her older sister Kiki. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN THIS WAS HAPPENING?! Did you think that your father was just an overcontrolling, hot-tempered blowhard, and that's why you basically left the house every second of every day to play with your friends? What about your little sister? Would you REALLY leave a small child in a house with a volatile person like that! Seriously?! I can't believe that Sue still loves her sister, and from what I get, Kiki--grown up--still really doesn't give a shit about Sue. Great, Kiki. You're an utter bitch.
And the mother was a piece of work. A stereotypical, tightlaced, straight-backed, ignorant [of her daughter's abuse], cowardly, high-strung, two-faced ... Jewish woman. I could see the conservative roots within her.
She calls her daughter a slut, but then buys her adult clothing? Because she's a slut. But she needs to get a boyfriend because ...boys..but she's a slut.
Around and around and around this paradoxical argument went when it came to Sue's mother. She told her at the age of 12 "Boys will get you pregnant." Who in the 50s got pregnant at age 12? UNLESS THEY WERE ABUSED?! Seriously, it was so stigmatized to have sex before marriage you might as well have the word "TRAMP" stamped on your forehead. Of course now that I type this all out, the mother probably had some inkling that it was the father, but it was kind of a shadow-gut feeling and not one that has enough weight to be an actual "premonition" one has.
But a person isn't going to be "born a slut". The archetype is obviously a learned behavior. And in such a crisp and pastel-colored time period that the 50s was, I doubt she'd get it from any old girlfriend of hers or a magazine placed eye-level in the supermarket.
Ugh...
So this book was really good. It made me angry that such a potentially gifted mind was dashed by incest and sexual abuse. She could even answer a simple question about the Boston Tea Party in class because she wasn't emotionally or mentally developed enough to think she could have an opinion. All of that independent thinking that develops in early childhood was completely swept off the table in favor of forcibly learning "How to please Daddy".
Another thing. Her split personalities were very well-written. Well, it wasn't like they were permanent, but it's like DID (Disassociative Identity Disorder), where the brain creates "characters" and compartmentalizes them and then whips them out to "take over" in order to protect the core self. Very interesting and at the same time disturbing stuff. Disturbing because it takes an immediate and prolonged threat of something harmful or frightening to evoke one of those "psyche guardians" to step in and shield the original personality from turning into jello.
I'm so surprised she didn't get pregnant at like, 11. SO DAMNED SURPRISED.
And since her father was famous I tried Googling him but got absolutely nothing. He was in a few photo-ops with Harry S. Truman, for God's sake, and I got NOTHING. Hm..
But this is a very competent memoir, one that feels very hopeless in a sense, though, because she still had sympathy and love for her parents --the bastards--until the very end. And her adult life wasn't functional in the slightest, but her opening up to her psychiatrist eventually helped her, which is a plus.
Hugs for all psychiatrists who help people like her overcome their traumatic childhoods and past abuse!
That hug does NOT extend to doctors who plant false memories of abuse in their patients' heads though. Seriously, fuck those people. Families are destroyed because of those wrong accusations!
http://www.couriermail.com.au/ipad/shrink-implanted-false-memories/story-fn6ck55c-1226393676061 < Here's an example of a story.
We have to wait decades until someone comes forward and says, "I've been abused". Then it's too little, too late to save them. Well, they can be "saved", but they're not innocent anymore. Their childhoods were taken from them--perhaps before they could comprehend a childhood.
This book reiterated that abuse can simply fuck a person up. A developing brain should not be abused. If you were going to abuse someone--let's pretend you had to pick someone--then make it an adult. IF they were raised right then I would assume they would have more...stable ground to hold their minds together instead of having it unravel without their knowing.
Continuing with this little thread of my personal thoughts, I just realized that Child Abuse > Domestic/Spousal Abuse. I'm sorry, but if you , a FLIPPING ADULT, can't get out of a dangerous situation when there are NO children involved to be used as blackmail or leverage against you, then I think you should try a little harder. Kids have absolutely none of those powers, since their parents' authority will intervene and whisk 'em away before they have the chance to speak out.
Anyway, Sue's father was ... ugh.
This book...it's so..different from other abuse memoirs I've read. Others I've read have a sort of ... detached air about them. The "emotions" are limited to what they felt at the time and simple inner thoughts that explain why they did this and this. Or thoughts concerning their abuser and bystanders and trying to figure out their ways of thinking, more often than not in order to try to get someone's attention or to avoid their abuser at all costs.
Sue William Silverman wrote this book in such a way that we were frequently able to actually feel her train of thought and mindset at certain times, whether it be her in the bathtub being molested by her father, her solace in her makeshift Christmas tree (her mother was Jewish and therefore against any celebration during the holidays), or her justification for her abuse ("I'm a slut" "I'm a whore" "I can make Daddy feel better with my body"). You actually read this book and follow the crooked line of thoughts that a child at that time, with that kind of abuse directed towards them, would think and feel.
So realistic. So...right. I didn't feel like I was "her" when reading this book, but I was farther in her child-self's psyche than would be deemed comfortable. It was almost like I was reading a recording of her train of thoughts that were recollected years later. Of course, train of thought isn't the most stable of prose, so this book is obviously set up in the recollection, retelling format that all like bios are composed.
And at the end when she found out that
Spoiler
Her father was sexually abused by his mother and auntsAnd her older sister Kiki. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN THIS WAS HAPPENING?! Did you think that your father was just an overcontrolling, hot-tempered blowhard, and that's why you basically left the house every second of every day to play with your friends? What about your little sister? Would you REALLY leave a small child in a house with a volatile person like that! Seriously?! I can't believe that Sue still loves her sister, and from what I get, Kiki--grown up--still really doesn't give a shit about Sue. Great, Kiki. You're an utter bitch.
And the mother was a piece of work. A stereotypical, tightlaced, straight-backed, ignorant [of her daughter's abuse], cowardly, high-strung, two-faced ... Jewish woman. I could see the conservative roots within her.
She calls her daughter a slut, but then buys her adult clothing? Because she's a slut. But she needs to get a boyfriend because ...boys..but she's a slut.
Around and around and around this paradoxical argument went when it came to Sue's mother. She told her at the age of 12 "Boys will get you pregnant." Who in the 50s got pregnant at age 12? UNLESS THEY WERE ABUSED?! Seriously, it was so stigmatized to have sex before marriage you might as well have the word "TRAMP" stamped on your forehead. Of course now that I type this all out, the mother probably had some inkling that it was the father, but it was kind of a shadow-gut feeling and not one that has enough weight to be an actual "premonition" one has.
But a person isn't going to be "born a slut". The archetype is obviously a learned behavior. And in such a crisp and pastel-colored time period that the 50s was, I doubt she'd get it from any old girlfriend of hers or a magazine placed eye-level in the supermarket.
Ugh...
So this book was really good. It made me angry that such a potentially gifted mind was dashed by incest and sexual abuse. She could even answer a simple question about the Boston Tea Party in class because she wasn't emotionally or mentally developed enough to think she could have an opinion. All of that independent thinking that develops in early childhood was completely swept off the table in favor of forcibly learning "How to please Daddy".
Another thing. Her split personalities were very well-written. Well, it wasn't like they were permanent, but it's like DID (Disassociative Identity Disorder), where the brain creates "characters" and compartmentalizes them and then whips them out to "take over" in order to protect the core self. Very interesting and at the same time disturbing stuff. Disturbing because it takes an immediate and prolonged threat of something harmful or frightening to evoke one of those "psyche guardians" to step in and shield the original personality from turning into jello.
I'm so surprised she didn't get pregnant at like, 11. SO DAMNED SURPRISED.
And since her father was famous I tried Googling him but got absolutely nothing. He was in a few photo-ops with Harry S. Truman, for God's sake, and I got NOTHING. Hm..
But this is a very competent memoir, one that feels very hopeless in a sense, though, because she still had sympathy and love for her parents --the bastards--until the very end. And her adult life wasn't functional in the slightest, but her opening up to her psychiatrist eventually helped her, which is a plus.
Hugs for all psychiatrists who help people like her overcome their traumatic childhoods and past abuse!
That hug does NOT extend to doctors who plant false memories of abuse in their patients' heads though. Seriously, fuck those people. Families are destroyed because of those wrong accusations!
http://www.couriermail.com.au/ipad/shrink-implanted-false-memories/story-fn6ck55c-1226393676061 < Here's an example of a story.
losh's review against another edition
5.0
I felt a heaviness in my heart as I realized the book was coming to an end. Silverman writes so beautifully, her descriptions so vivid. I feel like I journeyed with her, through the depths of her mind, in this book. Of course, I will never fully understand or be able to comprehend the pain and suffering she went through. This was a harrowing, painful account of a stolen childhood that Silverman continued to grief well into adulthood. All I want to say is thank you, Sue, for bearing your heart and soul, for sharing your story, with us. I will continue to hold this book close to my heart for years to come, and to me, that is what good books do: they stay with you, forever.
Warning though, this can be incredibly triggering to people who have or are suffering from child sexual abuse, self harm, sexual addiction and eating disorders. Descriptions are graphic and heavy, so do not read unless you are in a stable headspace.
Warning though, this can be incredibly triggering to people who have or are suffering from child sexual abuse, self harm, sexual addiction and eating disorders. Descriptions are graphic and heavy, so do not read unless you are in a stable headspace.
amydrichard's review against another edition
So disturbing....but I can't put it down.
alytodd's review
3.0
it's hard to say i "liked" or "enjoyed" a book like this - it's neither an enjoyable read nor something i would want to read again. It is, however, and important read for those of us who work i the field of child welfare or those of us who are trying to better understand it. it's not an easy book to get through, but it does give you faith in the resiliency of children as well as adults.
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