Reviews

Wendy is so raw and honest, which I really appreciate. Especially when she talks about more challenging, and not to mention controversial or taboo topics in her conversations surrounding death.

Her discussions on wanting to preserve her true self until death, in the face of her dementia, was gripping. As someone who has seen what the disease does to people, and experienced it's toll on the loved ones, I understand and feel for Wendy's standpoint, as much as I can without actually being in her shoes.

Having read her other books, I enjoy when she gets real personal in her writing, but this one veered at times towards a more technical approach. Additionally, it did get a bit repetitive, bringing up stuff from past books. Which I get, the stories fit in all of the books, I just didn't need to read them again.

tasmanian_bibliophile's review

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4.5

‘Death. It’s a strange place to start a book. It is, at first glance, the end.’

Since she was diagnosed with dementia in 2014, Wendy Mitchell has written three books. She has also been skydiving, been wing walking and walked the Infinity Bridge. Living with dementia, Wendy doesn’t fear much anymore. This is Wendy’s third book. In the first two, she wrote of living with dementia while in this book, while she still can, Wendy writes of dying with dementia. Wendy raises some difficult questions in this book and reminds us that we are all going to die. How much agency do we want? Especially in cases where living with a progressive terminal illness?

‘A hospital is the worst place for someone with dementia: our routine is gone, our familiar surroundings disappear and are replaced with a new and totally alien environment full of noise and people we don’t know.’

Wendy discusses choices and possibilities, explores the views of both those who support and oppose assisted dying, of carers and politicians. As Wendy reminds us:

‘Talking and planning for end-of-life care is not the same as having suicidal thoughts.’

In talking about these issues, which are uncomfortable for many of us, Wendy challenges the unfairness of being denied choice. Wendy’s concern is for her own future:

‘To have no autonomy, no independence, to be totally reliant on others for when and where and how I do things, is not the life today’s Wendy wants for future Wendy.’

As I read this book, I am reminded of the conversations we each need to have (and some of us avoid) about choices. Yes, many of us have wills and make provisions for funeral arrangements and for dependents, some of us have advance care directives (or are thinking about it). Those of us avoiding these issues and discussions assume that we will have time and will have the ability to make such decisions. But ability to make such decisions cannot be taken for granted: a brain injury, mental incapacity or advanced dementia might intervene.

‘We talk so often about prolonging life, but we are actually prolonging death by not discussing the suffering part of it.’

This is a difficult topic. Most of us don’t want to be reminded of our mortality. I find Wendy inspirational. I have read each of her books and I follow her blog. And, on this issue, I will take her advice.

‘No one knows what hand life will deal them.’

Highly recommended.

Jennifer Cameron-Smith

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