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shirleytupperfreeman's review against another edition
I really enjoyed this combination of science, psychology and story about mid-life. Written primarily for people in their 40s, 50s and 60s (maybe it was 40-60 but it makes sense to stretch it a bit), Hagerty presents the latest research and clear thinking about how to manage the middle of our lives. First of all, she suggests that very few people actually have a mid-life crisis and that generally there is no good reason to have one - so don't. There are chapters on the midlife brain and how it learns, about friendship, marriage, work, purpose and how to remain engaged with life. Her writing is lively and clear - a catalyst for adults thinking about what's next.
kimball_hansen's review against another edition
5.0
Great book!! Makes me more hopeful for crappy middle age (although the 50's are good, just not looking forward to the 40's).
Let's dive into the notes:
She said that the 40's, 50's, 60's are most critical for your life. And these years are a research wasteland because no one is studying them. Researchers study the young and the old.
To those who say life is boring, haven't lived through middle age.
80% of men suffer through a midlife crises. But only one out of 10 people experience a genuine mid life crises. People will label a death or an unexpected firing during their middle years as a mid life crises but these can happen at any time. Most that make it through the mid life crises have a common attribute: love. They have people that they love and in return love them, like a spouse and kids. They provided a shelter from the wind, instead of facing the storm alone.
Be identified by your passions and not your resume.
A hopeless midlife can blossom into wholesome old age. A good midlife is an intentional one.
Midlife people can't make all the choices in life or "be anything" like a young person can but they have more than what the mid life crises culture likes to lead them to believe. They can make more informed choices now than at 25 or 35. They can gather all their experience that has shaped them and add it to things they are good at to focus on the next half of their life.
Crystallized (experience) intelligence improves over time. Fluid intelligence dips over time.
We need to challenge our brains more and do less procedural tasks.
Friendships at midlife are a little like a smoke detector, you need them in theory but they can be a nuisance to keep up, especially if you are juggling, children, aging parents, and a career. So you let them run out of juice. But you don't really miss them until the house begins to burn up and you wish you had a few firemen nearby.
Friends are the surest defense against one of the most ruthless killers: isolation. If you want to live a long and healthy life, invest in friends, particularly at midlife. Friendships are different in your middle ages because there's not as many significant events in life like marriage, baby, graduation. But they demand more. Friends are the Swiss army knife of relationships, they can do it all. People will a large circle of friends are less likely die early than those with not as many friends.
Friends aren't a luxury in mid life they are a necessity.
I don't understand how she lost her closest friends during middle age. Her example wasn't very detailed.
Humans can chuckle 150 people in our networks. Inner circle is 5, close but not intimidate is 15, etc.
The way you keep your friendships going is constantly update each other on what's interesting.
Ages 45 - 65 are loneliest ages.
Education delays dementia. You get it slower, but when you do it goes quickly. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
A positive outlook on life helps the brain more nimble and resistant to Alzheimer's. The brain is the only organ that is plasticity.
No partner checks every box, if you abandon a pretty good marriage to find the missing box, oftentimes you lose more than you gain.
The secret of midlife is learning a hobby. Something you can work towards and improve on.
Some incidents can affect a person more than another incident like overcoming cancer vs a divorce because one could shatter your confidence in the future.
She's very optimistic about finding love during the midlife I guess that's because she was able to.
Let's dive into the notes:
She said that the 40's, 50's, 60's are most critical for your life. And these years are a research wasteland because no one is studying them. Researchers study the young and the old.
To those who say life is boring, haven't lived through middle age.
80% of men suffer through a midlife crises. But only one out of 10 people experience a genuine mid life crises. People will label a death or an unexpected firing during their middle years as a mid life crises but these can happen at any time. Most that make it through the mid life crises have a common attribute: love. They have people that they love and in return love them, like a spouse and kids. They provided a shelter from the wind, instead of facing the storm alone.
Be identified by your passions and not your resume.
A hopeless midlife can blossom into wholesome old age. A good midlife is an intentional one.
Midlife people can't make all the choices in life or "be anything" like a young person can but they have more than what the mid life crises culture likes to lead them to believe. They can make more informed choices now than at 25 or 35. They can gather all their experience that has shaped them and add it to things they are good at to focus on the next half of their life.
Crystallized (experience) intelligence improves over time. Fluid intelligence dips over time.
We need to challenge our brains more and do less procedural tasks.
Friendships at midlife are a little like a smoke detector, you need them in theory but they can be a nuisance to keep up, especially if you are juggling, children, aging parents, and a career. So you let them run out of juice. But you don't really miss them until the house begins to burn up and you wish you had a few firemen nearby.
Friends are the surest defense against one of the most ruthless killers: isolation. If you want to live a long and healthy life, invest in friends, particularly at midlife. Friendships are different in your middle ages because there's not as many significant events in life like marriage, baby, graduation. But they demand more. Friends are the Swiss army knife of relationships, they can do it all. People will a large circle of friends are less likely die early than those with not as many friends.
Friends aren't a luxury in mid life they are a necessity.
I don't understand how she lost her closest friends during middle age. Her example wasn't very detailed.
Humans can chuckle 150 people in our networks. Inner circle is 5, close but not intimidate is 15, etc.
The way you keep your friendships going is constantly update each other on what's interesting.
Ages 45 - 65 are loneliest ages.
Education delays dementia. You get it slower, but when you do it goes quickly. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
A positive outlook on life helps the brain more nimble and resistant to Alzheimer's. The brain is the only organ that is plasticity.
No partner checks every box, if you abandon a pretty good marriage to find the missing box, oftentimes you lose more than you gain.
The secret of midlife is learning a hobby. Something you can work towards and improve on.
Some incidents can affect a person more than another incident like overcoming cancer vs a divorce because one could shatter your confidence in the future.
She's very optimistic about finding love during the midlife I guess that's because she was able to.
tommyhousworth's review against another edition
5.0
This was truly the right book at the right time, saying all the right things. Hagerty has thought (and researched) thoroughly about midlife, approaching it from the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual aspects. From our sudden overly-fueled desire to volunteer to the frustrating occasional lapse in our synapses, she speaks to the many challenges faced by those who fall in that grey and often dissatisfying demographic of 40-ish to 60-ish. If you find you're longing for meaning, change, stability, the chance to contribute, and the possibility to pursue passions long marginalized, I think this book may offer wisdom and solace.
Hagerty is practical, but appropriately idealistic. Inspiring, but grounded in the realities of the malaise and fears of life at this surreal crossroad known as middle age, when one's parents and children are looking to them for support, when one is apt to start to feel a little less sharp, a little more obsolete, and a little bewildered by what appear to be a lack of choices. Hagerty does a wonderful job of showing us the possibilities, and even illuminating some of the pathways to get there.
I plan to spread the word about this one. And I plan to revisit it often for inspiration as changes, challenges, and opportunities are navigated.
Hagerty is practical, but appropriately idealistic. Inspiring, but grounded in the realities of the malaise and fears of life at this surreal crossroad known as middle age, when one's parents and children are looking to them for support, when one is apt to start to feel a little less sharp, a little more obsolete, and a little bewildered by what appear to be a lack of choices. Hagerty does a wonderful job of showing us the possibilities, and even illuminating some of the pathways to get there.
I plan to spread the word about this one. And I plan to revisit it often for inspiration as changes, challenges, and opportunities are navigated.
ammbooks's review against another edition
5.0
insightful and courageous
insightful perspective into the many aspects of “midlife”. I appreciated the different coping methods that were presented. The personal anecdotes added warmth
insightful perspective into the many aspects of “midlife”. I appreciated the different coping methods that were presented. The personal anecdotes added warmth
hatrireads's review against another edition
3.0
I don't often read nonfiction, but this was recommended by a good friend and it was perfect reading for the eve of my 59th birthday. Barbara Bradley Hagerty's cheerful outlook on aging was an easy and interesting read. She inspired me to realize that I can do anything. Age is not as limiting a factor as we assume. We just have to choose what matters most.
colers12's review against another edition
4.0
This book was so powerful and I am so glad that a group of amazing, intelligent Mid-Lifers read and discussed this for hours! This is a book that will stay with me for a very long time!
neutral_janet's review against another edition
2.0
I listened to the audiobook read by the author for a book club and initially gave it a “meh, it was ok I guess” assessment but when we actually started talking about it I recalled all the cringey things I heard her actually say out loud. This book felt very self-congratulatory and encouraged toxic positivity several times over. She lost me when talking about her arduous mission to train for the senior Olympics at age 42 (which I currently am) and seemed to believe that’s a relatable plight. Also the segment on how trauma impacts everyone differently and here is a study on how all these veterans with severe PTSD cured themselves with positive thinking.