Scan barcode
ltoddlibrarian8's review against another edition
4.0
She offers actually ideas to unload EL. A good read.
joanna_banana's review against another edition
3.0
I enjoyed Tiffany Dufu’s “antidote to Lean-In” presenting the All-In Partnership and took notes! I was surprised it was so focused on marriage and parenting. I was expecting it to be more about workplace culture. There is definitely some very important points about workplaces and how often office “housework” is assumed to be women’s work at work too. We’ve made progress but have so much further to go!! I had a few issues with the book: 1) It was very heteronormative. Granted, she’s talking about her experience and she’s married to a man. Dufu cites research about task distribution in same-sex relationships to say they have it figured out because they don’t have the same societal norms to grapple with. This reminded me of Carmen Maria Machado’s writing and that the idea of women wanting to be married to women because it would be easier is seriously flawed. Because, Dufu also subscribes heavily to my second complaint that 2) our brains are wired differently biologically between men and women. This has been debunked again and again as neurosexism (see Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine). 100% agree with everything Dufu discusses on the impact of expecting different things from men and women or, expecting EVERYTHING from women! And then over correcting and assuming “equality means sameness.” I think how we talk about the origin of the differences will help us change—we don’t have to overcome biology, we have to stop with the gender norming messages from pre-birth and break free from these restrictive boxes that have been defined for us. And she does talk about that environment and how it needs to change. 3) I’m still feeling the same way I did about Lean-In. Dufu does a good job acknowledging her privilege in some areas and also sharing deeply about how a racialized society has shaped who she is and how she sees the world. However, it still feels like as I read this book the onus was on the woman to do all the work of training her spouse to be the All-In Partner, recruiting the support network, and changing how she sees herself and what’s important to her (that was my biggest takeaway, the exercises she does in the chapter What Matters Most!). So where’s the follow up book by Kojo addressing all the men out there? ;-)
walwoodr's review against another edition
2.0
I hate that this is my review, as I really wanted to like this book. It was just too wildly unrelatable for me. Extremely not relevant to same sex couples, and honestly not even lip service to the idea that such couples exist.
jessjones1116's review against another edition
3.0
I took away some good advice from this book, in regards to trying to let go of the notion that “women do it all”. I have a hard time delegating to my own husband and just want to do everything, when it comes to work, our relationship, and raising our son. That isn’t sustainable. What I found frustrating about the book was the focus on “dropping the ball” for all household things, such as letting the mail pile up for 4 months, leaving them to have bills go to collections. This is not responsible. I don’t think this book ultimately will help me in my eyes to further my career, while being the best wife and mother. In the end of the book, the author says how equal pay and affordable child care are the first things that will help women live out their full potential. I completely agree. Having the means to have your kids taken care of, will help alleviate stress in the home and at work.
cklein0818's review against another edition
5.0
Love this book! Gave me the freedom and skills to create healthy boundaries release unrealistic expectations AND STOP ASKING for permission to do things for myself!!!
nakedsushi's review against another edition
3.0
In general, the book had some valid points, but I thought it was overly wordy. Toward the end, I skipped whole sections because they just re-emphasized the thesis of the chapter. I experienced a weird phenomena where I kept thinking, "Ok, now *this* is the last chapter of the book" but when I turned on my Kindle reading-percentage, I was still only about 85% in. In other words, this could have been edited down for brevity. By the 5th time I did that, I decided to be through with the book.
What I enjoyed most about the book was the relationship porn, in that it's a great time to read about other people's dysfunctional relationships and congratulated yourself on your own family dynamic. On a high level, I could understand where she's going with her points, but I thought some of her tactics like the spreadsheet and the "Delegating with Joy" was a little patronizing and wouldn't work too well in my family.
I think if my goal were to be a high-powered exec as well as help run a household, the book would apply more to me, but I'm pretty happy being a "Clock in from 9-5, do the bare minimum in household chores, and spend a lot of time reading and playing games" type of worker. Maybe the fact that I already dropped quite a few balls at home makes that possible.
What I enjoyed most about the book was the relationship porn, in that it's a great time to read about other people's dysfunctional relationships and congratulated yourself on your own family dynamic. On a high level, I could understand where she's going with her points, but I thought some of her tactics like the spreadsheet and the "Delegating with Joy" was a little patronizing and wouldn't work too well in my family.
I think if my goal were to be a high-powered exec as well as help run a household, the book would apply more to me, but I'm pretty happy being a "Clock in from 9-5, do the bare minimum in household chores, and spend a lot of time reading and playing games" type of worker. Maybe the fact that I already dropped quite a few balls at home makes that possible.
jj_ensen's review against another edition
1.0
DNF. I like the central idea of deciding on which values and goals are most important to you and your family, and then letting balls drop that are not related to this. However this book was basically a story of miscommunication between the author & her husband, while still upholding gender stereotypes and roles. It was also hard to relate to Dufu if you have different values and goals.
bak8382's review against another edition
4.0
I am currently on a kick for mindful living and figuring out a way to focus on what really matters, and I definitely have a problem where I get bogged down in the details. So I can totally relate (though perhaps not to the extreme) when Tiffany Dufu talks about the way she initially managed her household after her first child was born. There are definitely tasks I think that I do better, when in reality my husband does a great job with all of it and mostly better than me! Dufu's main thesis is to have an All in partner to help when you need to drop something for your career, and to delegate with joy tasks to that person (or several people). To be clear her focus here is not on how to do less at work, it's how to do less at home. This definitely reads more like a memoir than a typical professional development book though she does have a few lists of things to do. Mostly I raced through this to read the stories of other working moms and how they got through tough times.
Surprisingly, to me, Dufu doesn't discuss that if you have less stuff at home, less activities, etc. there's less that actually has to be dealt with or delegated. She does briefly mention [b:The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing|22318578|The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing|Marie Kondō|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1418767178s/22318578.jpg|41711738], but only to say people read these books because it conveys the idea ". . .that perfection can be fast and efficient" (60). Which I think misses the point entirely about decluttering. Decluttering can be a long and involved process, but when you come out the other side you have way less to do. I'm less stressed at home because I've gotten rid of so much, and don't need so many balls in the air to begin with.
Don't get me wrong here, Dufu gets a lot of stuff right about the way women feel guilty at work sometimes about their children, and how men don't feel the same pressures. Sometimes I felt like she was inside my head! It was a super enjoyable read and refreshingly showed how she and her husband were both able to advance their careers while still keeping the house and family together.
Surprisingly, to me, Dufu doesn't discuss that if you have less stuff at home, less activities, etc. there's less that actually has to be dealt with or delegated. She does briefly mention [b:The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing|22318578|The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing|Marie Kondō|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1418767178s/22318578.jpg|41711738], but only to say people read these books because it conveys the idea ". . .that perfection can be fast and efficient" (60). Which I think misses the point entirely about decluttering. Decluttering can be a long and involved process, but when you come out the other side you have way less to do. I'm less stressed at home because I've gotten rid of so much, and don't need so many balls in the air to begin with.
Don't get me wrong here, Dufu gets a lot of stuff right about the way women feel guilty at work sometimes about their children, and how men don't feel the same pressures. Sometimes I felt like she was inside my head! It was a super enjoyable read and refreshingly showed how she and her husband were both able to advance their careers while still keeping the house and family together.