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mistylyn's review
2.0
I’m allowing two stars for an interesting premise that had tremendous potential. Think “The Bachelor” with a monetary twist. I also enjoyed the format this author chose—third person narration just objective enough to be convincing. The issues here are with the editing—or complete lack thereof. Not only are character names confused, substituting one for the other on NUMEROUS occasions, but the long and tedious pages of dialogue read like a teenager’s submission for a high school English class. For example, here’s a snippet of conversation that is representative of the entire work:
"I'm not really self-assured," Constance said slowly, "Especially about matters of the heart
"It's only a competition if you think of it that way," Vonda said. "Otherwise, it is an experience."
"We are all your friends," said Janny.
"Thanks girls," Constance said.
"The trouble is," said Janny, "There is only one Anthony, and he can't possibly end up with all of us!"
"I wouldn't expect him to," said Vonda. “That would be too weird for words. There are plenty of other guys in the world.”
"There must be someone nice out there for all of us,” Kendra remarked. "And we won't always be stuck on The Charity Dating Show."
Ready to read a tad more? The next excerpt appears just after one of the contestants, Kendra, finds a kangaroo to feed at a venue they are visiting:
"It's a male," Heddy said. "They develop very powerful hind legs-you wouldn't want to challenge it once it was grown."
"I am sure that it will always be treated well in here," Kendra murmured.
"I am sure it will too," Heddy said. She was obviously losing interest: "Let us wash our hands and get some lunch at the cafe."
It just feels stilted and forced, and it fills page after page with short, choppy sentences that no one would naturally speak. He said, she said, they said, and round and round it goes. The dialogue is so flat that the characters are rendered one dimensional. Sad, really, as there was potential here.
In the end, the mistakes with character names, the poor sentence construction and the droning dialogue combine to make this novel a contender for the worst of 2019. It now has a place of honor on my “OMG Bad” shelf.
"I'm not really self-assured," Constance said slowly, "Especially about matters of the heart
"It's only a competition if you think of it that way," Vonda said. "Otherwise, it is an experience."
"We are all your friends," said Janny.
"Thanks girls," Constance said.
"The trouble is," said Janny, "There is only one Anthony, and he can't possibly end up with all of us!"
"I wouldn't expect him to," said Vonda. “That would be too weird for words. There are plenty of other guys in the world.”
"There must be someone nice out there for all of us,” Kendra remarked. "And we won't always be stuck on The Charity Dating Show."
Ready to read a tad more? The next excerpt appears just after one of the contestants, Kendra, finds a kangaroo to feed at a venue they are visiting:
"It's a male," Heddy said. "They develop very powerful hind legs-you wouldn't want to challenge it once it was grown."
"I am sure that it will always be treated well in here," Kendra murmured.
"I am sure it will too," Heddy said. She was obviously losing interest: "Let us wash our hands and get some lunch at the cafe."
It just feels stilted and forced, and it fills page after page with short, choppy sentences that no one would naturally speak. He said, she said, they said, and round and round it goes. The dialogue is so flat that the characters are rendered one dimensional. Sad, really, as there was potential here.
In the end, the mistakes with character names, the poor sentence construction and the droning dialogue combine to make this novel a contender for the worst of 2019. It now has a place of honor on my “OMG Bad” shelf.
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