Scan barcode
noslowregard's review
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Torture, and Blood
obscurepages's review
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Diving into this book, reading the content warnings, I knew I had to be prepared. I was excited for it because the synopsis sounds so interesting, but of course, I was also very hesitant. Now I've finished it! And it's sooooooo... I don't even have the word for it right now. đ See, it's unique but also very unnerving--unique because it blended magic and the supernatural with society, unnerving because this book featured sadomasochism and sexual/mental abuse so graphically and tried to show that the process of healing is not an easy one. It's brutal and raw, and some scenes made my skin crawl, but damn if this didn't take me on its own kind of journey.
I think that's all I can say for now. Full review will be posted soon as part of a tour hosted by Pride Book Tours! Hopefully, I'll have gathered my thoughts by then!
TW: sadomasochism, rape, sexual assault and abuse, torture, psychological abuse, manipulation, violence
Find me elsewhere: Instagram | Twitter | Blog
I think that's all I can say for now. Full review will be posted soon as part of a tour hosted by Pride Book Tours! Hopefully, I'll have gathered my thoughts by then!
TW: sadomasochism, rape, sexual assault and abuse, torture, psychological abuse, manipulation, violence
Find me elsewhere: Instagram | Twitter | Blog
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Child abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Torture, and Violence
booksthatburn's review against another edition
dark
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
1.0
I loved the first third of the book when I thought the story was, âA young man raised to believe magic is real has to deal with finding out that neither it nor the monsters he was raised to fight actually existâ. However, it soon became apparent that that wasn't where the book was going. The narrative was consistently invested in keeping readers off kilter as to whether/how magic was or was not real. I think we get an answer at the very end, but it feels like I spent the whole book being juked, so when it does finally pick a direction Iâm tired instead of being excited that I finally know.
The main characters are adults when most of the narrative takes place, but itâs ambiguous as to how many of the flashbacks featuring descriptions of abuse took place when they were teens. That made me very uncomfortable. Itâs a book about abuse and pain, and I donât feel like I got enough aftercare as a reader.
The world building is minimal, I donât have a good understanding of what day-to-day life was actually like before the book started, after the first couple of chapters the main details of life in the compound are all about the abuse. The abuse is definitely a focus, but it makes it hard to understand why anyone would stay. Not to question why anyone actually ends up staying in a cult, I mean, but you think there would be some camaraderie or warmth or positive *something* between the members, and if it was there the book doesnât show it. Itâs extremely focused on a handful of characters and doesnât appear to care much about any of the others. The handling of the FBI agent also felt a little too neat, especially when we find out why sheâs the one involved.
Thereâs a point of view character and a secondary character where I donât know why theyâre in the book. I understand what they do, but itâs so minimal that, for the secondary character, if she werenât in the book at all I wouldnât notice. It feels like sheâs there so that one of the MCs can be uncompromising in a particular scene and still have things work out okay. The POV character who felt irrelevant technically had a different perspective than the other main characters, but most of their role in the story couldâve been absorbed by one of the others with very little change. It felt like they existed as a cautionary tale, ready to infodump when needed and stay away when they werenât being useful.
It's very hard to pull off an ending that is basically, "hey, we can power the machines by laughter instead of screams" ĂĄ la the movie "Monsters, Inc" (2001), when the first 70% of the book is dedicated to making it unclear whether the machines are powered at all by anything, or if electricity even works. Lark's rose-colored glasses and insistence that magic is real made it feel like he got to exit the book without growing at all. He escaped an abusive situation, and I'm glad for him, he seems like he's in a better place, but I really dislike the ending, I think it undercuts what was so good about the start of the book. What hooked me was the prospect of watching someone slowly realize that their life had been a lie, finally getting objective proof that they were wrong, and having to deal with the emotional wreckage of that. What happens instead is that we find out they were right that it's real, and his journey is that he learns he can just use a different source. I have so many questions about the version of reality where if you think magic is real you can just do magic and other people can see it too. That would utterly transform everything about the setting, it just couldn't be the same setting if people really casually did magic.
If this were a psychological horror novel I would love it so much, though the ending and a few middle scenes would have to change, but the âactually magic is real you just donât have to power it with painâ ending undercuts all the rest of the stuff with the cult. The idea that âmagic is real and requires pain, and nothing is worth the pain of childrenâ can take you really cool places, and this book decided not to go to any of them, so at the end I just feel confused and lost. If you're going to hook me with the intro and then subvert the premise, your subversion needs to be better than playing it straight.
The main characters are adults when most of the narrative takes place, but itâs ambiguous as to how many of the flashbacks featuring descriptions of abuse took place when they were teens. That made me very uncomfortable. Itâs a book about abuse and pain, and I donât feel like I got enough aftercare as a reader.
The world building is minimal, I donât have a good understanding of what day-to-day life was actually like before the book started, after the first couple of chapters the main details of life in the compound are all about the abuse. The abuse is definitely a focus, but it makes it hard to understand why anyone would stay. Not to question why anyone actually ends up staying in a cult, I mean, but you think there would be some camaraderie or warmth or positive *something* between the members, and if it was there the book doesnât show it. Itâs extremely focused on a handful of characters and doesnât appear to care much about any of the others. The handling of the FBI agent also felt a little too neat, especially when we find out why sheâs the one involved.
Thereâs a point of view character and a secondary character where I donât know why theyâre in the book. I understand what they do, but itâs so minimal that, for the secondary character, if she werenât in the book at all I wouldnât notice. It feels like sheâs there so that one of the MCs can be uncompromising in a particular scene and still have things work out okay. The POV character who felt irrelevant technically had a different perspective than the other main characters, but most of their role in the story couldâve been absorbed by one of the others with very little change. It felt like they existed as a cautionary tale, ready to infodump when needed and stay away when they werenât being useful.
If this were a psychological horror novel I would love it so much, though the ending and a few middle scenes would have to change, but the âactually magic is real you just donât have to power it with painâ ending undercuts all the rest of the stuff with the cult. The idea that âmagic is real and requires pain, and nothing is worth the pain of childrenâ can take you really cool places, and this book decided not to go to any of them, so at the end I just feel confused and lost. If you're going to hook me with the intro and then subvert the premise, your subversion needs to be better than playing it straight.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Violence, and Sexual violence
Moderate: Child abuse, Blood, and Gun violence
CW for emotional abuse, physical abuse, child abuse, sadomasochism (graphic), self harm, blood, gun violence, violence, sexual content (graphic), sexual abuse (graphic), rape (graphic). TW the ARC contains a Harry Potter reference 55% in which might not be in the final version.elliotvanz's review against another edition
adventurous
emotional
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
I'm really on the fence about this one. It has plenty of ingredients I find intriguing: unreliable narration, cults, queer romance, and overall weirdness. The pacing kept me reading and I whipped through this fairly swiftly. It falls into the category of stories that are super messed up, which is usually something I find intriguing, but was at times really uncomfortable. (This book qualifies for pretty much every trigger warning connected to abuse I can think of, and then some.) I never really fully connected to this narrative though. I appreciate that Szpara wanted to keep the nature of reality ambiguous - is there really magic in this world, or is it all a delusion/metaphor? - but I wanted a hard answer on that, and the doubt made it difficult for me to connect to anyone emotionally. I spent most of my time with this story hunting for clues, analyzing, and just trying to answer that one central question. As a result I never fully invested in the rest. This won't bother some people, so your milage may vary.
Here's the thing: I'm just not sure Szpara's books are for me. They keep me reading, and have elements I find really interesting, but I come out of them with really mixed feelings and wishing I had read a different story than the one I got. This is just a personal taste thing. I think a lot of people will really love this one. (I also think a lot of people will find this repellant.) I'm glad it's out there, and I don't regret reading it, but ultimately it's just not my cup of tea.
Here's the thing: I'm just not sure Szpara's books are for me. They keep me reading, and have elements I find really interesting, but I come out of them with really mixed feelings and wishing I had read a different story than the one I got. This is just a personal taste thing. I think a lot of people will really love this one. (I also think a lot of people will find this repellant.) I'm glad it's out there, and I don't regret reading it, but ultimately it's just not my cup of tea.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Slavery, Torture, and Toxic relationship
aconitecafe's review
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
5.0
K.M. Szpara is a master of writing traumatic experiences, and the road to recovery. Docile was one of my favorite reads from last year. So when I received the email from NetGalley announcing that I was approved for a copy of First, Become Ashes I squealed out loud. I thought I was prepared to be broken and rebuilt. But no. I wasn't prepared at all.
Every point of view in this book is masterfully constructed. The profound level of anguish within each chapter draws you in and doesn't let go. I think I read this book in less than 24 hours. I just couldn't put it down. I had to know if the characters made it out of their mental struggles, and were able to see the other side. If Lark can find the rainbow with everything that he experienced, that has to mean their is hope for the rest of us right?
Having read many accounts from outsiders looking in on cults, it was refreshing in a terrifying way to see the innerworkings of a mind within the followers (or anointed). We see the news of cults being "liberated" and often think, "so great those people were freed from a crazy person". But it's not that simple. Real people believed with everything they had in that person. There are real minds facing cognitive dissonance that can't be cured by someone saying "it wasn't real". You can't overcome that level of cognitive dissonance without first burning everything you are as a person, and rebuilding yourself from the ashes.
The way the author tackled this 'after it falls' period, dripped with the feeling that the author did the leg work to understand what goes into being devoted to a cult. Having read Docile, I couldn't imagine any other author writing these experiences.
I was also thankful that the story does not focus on what was done to them during their time behind the gates. Like Docile, the book sets the stage by touching on each aspect of the trauma but lets your mind fill in the rest. By doing this, it gave the book a faster pace, I could envision all the horrors without having to read each transgression on the page. The day to day life while in the cult would have been a book in itself, and that wasn't this story.
Larks journey is empowering in ways I would have never expected. From the connections he makes with outsiders, to the way he comes to terms with his reality being shattered, it's a must read ride. But it's not just him. Every point of view character in this book has a journey that is inspiring, surprising and well written. They were real people that we all know in life.
Calvin was every nerd, wishing the lord of the rings was a place we could visit. I was so thankful for the add in of this con / nerd duo. The two of them brought a comic relief that broke up the horrors of the cult in the right way. It bridged the magic of the cult with the magic of the outside world in a way that amplified the story.
The use of pronouns, gender and sexuality is well crafted. Loved how real it felt, flowing off the characters tongue with ease, not awkwardness or trepidation in the other characters response. It was just apart of society. Normal.
Finally, the use of magic. I don't want to give away spoilers, and it is hard to discuss this aspect of the book without doing so because it was woven into the plot so masterfully you have to read it to understand how much mind f*ckery is going on with it. I mean it's a cult, the magic was obviously a lie. Right? Was it a lie? I NEED TO KNOW.
If you loved Docile, you'll love this book.
Note: LGBT Rep. HP Mention.
Trigger Warnings: Rape, abuse, ptsd, explicit sex, sex with minors.
Every point of view in this book is masterfully constructed. The profound level of anguish within each chapter draws you in and doesn't let go. I think I read this book in less than 24 hours. I just couldn't put it down. I had to know if the characters made it out of their mental struggles, and were able to see the other side. If Lark can find the rainbow with everything that he experienced, that has to mean their is hope for the rest of us right?
Having read many accounts from outsiders looking in on cults, it was refreshing in a terrifying way to see the innerworkings of a mind within the followers (or anointed). We see the news of cults being "liberated" and often think, "so great those people were freed from a crazy person". But it's not that simple. Real people believed with everything they had in that person. There are real minds facing cognitive dissonance that can't be cured by someone saying "it wasn't real". You can't overcome that level of cognitive dissonance without first burning everything you are as a person, and rebuilding yourself from the ashes.
The way the author tackled this 'after it falls' period, dripped with the feeling that the author did the leg work to understand what goes into being devoted to a cult. Having read Docile, I couldn't imagine any other author writing these experiences.
I was also thankful that the story does not focus on what was done to them during their time behind the gates. Like Docile, the book sets the stage by touching on each aspect of the trauma but lets your mind fill in the rest. By doing this, it gave the book a faster pace, I could envision all the horrors without having to read each transgression on the page. The day to day life while in the cult would have been a book in itself, and that wasn't this story.
Larks journey is empowering in ways I would have never expected. From the connections he makes with outsiders, to the way he comes to terms with his reality being shattered, it's a must read ride. But it's not just him. Every point of view character in this book has a journey that is inspiring, surprising and well written. They were real people that we all know in life.
Calvin was every nerd, wishing the lord of the rings was a place we could visit. I was so thankful for the add in of this con / nerd duo. The two of them brought a comic relief that broke up the horrors of the cult in the right way. It bridged the magic of the cult with the magic of the outside world in a way that amplified the story.
The use of pronouns, gender and sexuality is well crafted. Loved how real it felt, flowing off the characters tongue with ease, not awkwardness or trepidation in the other characters response. It was just apart of society. Normal.
Finally, the use of magic. I don't want to give away spoilers, and it is hard to discuss this aspect of the book without doing so because it was woven into the plot so masterfully you have to read it to understand how much mind f*ckery is going on with it. I mean it's a cult, the magic was obviously a lie. Right? Was it a lie? I NEED TO KNOW.
If you loved Docile, you'll love this book.
Note: LGBT Rep. HP Mention.
Trigger Warnings: Rape, abuse, ptsd, explicit sex, sex with minors.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual content, Sexual violence, and Torture
Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Rape, and Sexual assault
readliness's review
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
tense
fast-paced
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
full review tk
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, and Sexual violence
caidyn's review
dark
emotional
tense
medium-paced
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
I received an ARC through a fairy and this is my honest review!
Wow, Szpara does it again. Another absolutely amazing read that takes so many themes and twists them on their head. I love how he uses sexual content to make a point, especially paired with it being very clearly a cult story. I enjoyed this one a whole lot, including how he used magic and fandoms as well as cult and chastity. It all blended so well together, just like his very first book did. I can't wait to have the finished product in my hands. The story was fantastically done and I know it's going to go so well with Docile.
Wow, Szpara does it again. Another absolutely amazing read that takes so many themes and twists them on their head. I love how he uses sexual content to make a point, especially paired with it being very clearly a cult story. I enjoyed this one a whole lot, including how he used magic and fandoms as well as cult and chastity. It all blended so well together, just like his very first book did. I can't wait to have the finished product in my hands. The story was fantastically done and I know it's going to go so well with Docile.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, and Toxic relationship
More...