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violetjean4's review
informative
medium-paced
4.5
I think this book was well thought out and presented a lot of scripts to start boundary-creating. I do think this book should be used supplemental to therapy and your own work. In my life, it is law to never trust one self-help book to be the BIBLE of all others.
reality_x's review
4.0
Connie, a friend recommended it to me and I definitely found it useful. I'll try to implement something I learned from the book into my life.
jlfields925's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.75
cateabrajano's review
informative
slow-paced
3.0
Had a good concept with the green, yellow, and red lights…but it was also common sense.
kayexplores's review
3.0
I probably would have benefited a lot from having this book a few years ago, especially before my first whole30.
My main takeaway now, being pretty comfy with setting boundaries, is Melissa’s green/yellow/red indicator - that you can have very different messaging around communicating boundaries in relation to how severe the issue is and how many previous conversations you’ve had on the topic. I’ve likely been declaring all of my boundaries at level red (sorry, boyfriend!), having spent so many years with family members who don’t have any.
Overall, decent content, met expectations as described. The big miss in my opinion is the lack of humor. A light joke can do wonders when setting boundaries with people who aren’t used to interacting with people who have them, and with friends and acquaintances. Most of the examples used gave off a stern, cold vibe, which is okay when you want to hold problematic people at arm’s length, but creates unnecessary disconnects otherwise.
My main takeaway now, being pretty comfy with setting boundaries, is Melissa’s green/yellow/red indicator - that you can have very different messaging around communicating boundaries in relation to how severe the issue is and how many previous conversations you’ve had on the topic. I’ve likely been declaring all of my boundaries at level red (sorry, boyfriend!), having spent so many years with family members who don’t have any.
Overall, decent content, met expectations as described. The big miss in my opinion is the lack of humor. A light joke can do wonders when setting boundaries with people who aren’t used to interacting with people who have them, and with friends and acquaintances. Most of the examples used gave off a stern, cold vibe, which is okay when you want to hold problematic people at arm’s length, but creates unnecessary disconnects otherwise.
brikrush's review
5.0
one of the best books of my year and the number one book I recommend to clients. I love Melissa Urban and I’ve used her green/yellow/red framework for a while now, and I love the way she shares specific scripts as well as additional resources (wooo Fair Play, wooo NVC, wooo Tiny Habits).
one billion stars.
one billion stars.
vanessareadstoomuch's review against another edition
5.0
Anyone who is experience struggles because they feel like relationships around them are draining them or that they are in situations in which they feel like they are being walked over, etc. needs to read this book. Melissa Urban writes in a way that makes talking about boundaries seem comfortable. The compassion and knowledge she shows throughout the book remind me of Brene Brown and I feel like fans of Brown will be fans of Urban. Urban gives so many different scenarios of boundary crossing and examples that you truly feel prepped and ready after reading the book. While I was reading it allowed me to identify situations that I could benefit from setting boundaries and made me excited to go out and set boundaries. Urban says that setting boundaries will set you free and I truly believe that. From romantic relationships, friendships, parents, work relationships and more there are so many areas in which we can benefit from boundaries but if we weren't taught that growing up it can be hard to identify and create boundaries. Boundaries can be a tricky topic but Urban explains them in a way them emphasizes clear communication and kindness so that they don't feel overwhelming nor do they hurt you or the person you are trying to communicate with. This book is for everyone and I enjoyed learning from the "boundary lady".