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karieh13's review against another edition
5.0
I was fortunate enough to get the chance to hear Chris Kluwe speak at a local community college last month and this book is like the written version of his talk that night. He was asked about everything from football to politics to video games to music that “little old ladies” would like to the nature of dualism to curing depression. He fielded (!) all of those questions masterfully – so when he mentioned he had a book coming out – I knew I had to get it.
“Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies” is a fascinating, rambling, incredibly smart read. I first heard Chris Kluwe’s name in reference to the marriage equality debate (one of my hot button issues) – and when I read his letter to Emmett C. Burns Jr. Many people responded more to some of the words Kluwe used than the overarching point of his letter, and Kluwe addresses that in this book. “The swearing is there for a reason. What Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote, what I responded to, was far more disgusting and foul-minded than any simple scatological reference or genital mash-up. His words degraded the very essence of the English language with their barely hidden venom and intolerant hate; drag it screaming into the muck of iniquity by wrapping a mantle of seeming reasonableness around corruption and control; masquerade as discourse while screaming their very lies to any heaven to any heaven you care to name – I could go on. My words? My words are a litmus test for those who would see the truth of a message rather than the package it’s delivered in.”
Chris Kluwe is crazy smart. He is creative, articulate, thinks fast on his feet and has a core of beliefs that shine through everything he says.
He also writes beautifully. In the section entitled “The Rush” – his description of the process and experience of his day job – is very evocative, reading almost like poetry. “…as my left foot locks into the ground and all the muscles on my right lower side contract and then explode up through an expelled grunt of air, left arm fully outstretched to the sky, eyes never leaving the gold Wilson engraved on the side, though they’re not quick enough to actually see the moment of impact, and now I’m following through and time returns to normal again, an eternity of 1.2 seconds later.”
And when he talks about the sensation of reading a great book – it’s like he was pulling those thoughts and feelings straight from my own head. “The pure luxuriousness of reading a book in comfort is one of the greatest sensations in the world (sex is better, but only by a little bit). Curling up on an engulfing couch as snow drifts down outside, toes hidden beneath warm blankets; lying sideways on a cushioned chaise while cool sea breezes gently stir the sunny afternoon air; hiding under the covers with a flashlight while rain beats down outside, all of these anchored by a collection of thoughts and ideas bound together, alone in whatever world the author created. Such hedonistic delight in contemplation of the immaterial, the intangible. File under Satisfaction with Universe.”
I think the section that had the greatest impact on me (because this is another of my hot button issues) is “Bang Bang” – the essay he wrote on the day of Newtown. As a person, as a mother, that day was horrific for me. I couldn’t stop crying for those children, for those parents…and for the certainty that even though these were schoolchildren that were murdered, the NRA would not allow one single solitary thing to change in our country – and if they possibly could – they would make things even worse so that they could sell more guns and ensure more people would die. Kluwe, however, expresses his feelings of that day in bold and with many caps. He is angry, rightly so, as he maps out exactly what the gun fanatics would think and do after one of the darkest days in our country’s history. His letter to those who worship guns over human life is one of the most powerful I’ve ever read.
“Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies” is a book that made me think and laugh and learn. I loved reading it and I look forward to more books (and letters!) from Chris Kluwe.
“Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies” is a fascinating, rambling, incredibly smart read. I first heard Chris Kluwe’s name in reference to the marriage equality debate (one of my hot button issues) – and when I read his letter to Emmett C. Burns Jr. Many people responded more to some of the words Kluwe used than the overarching point of his letter, and Kluwe addresses that in this book. “The swearing is there for a reason. What Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote, what I responded to, was far more disgusting and foul-minded than any simple scatological reference or genital mash-up. His words degraded the very essence of the English language with their barely hidden venom and intolerant hate; drag it screaming into the muck of iniquity by wrapping a mantle of seeming reasonableness around corruption and control; masquerade as discourse while screaming their very lies to any heaven to any heaven you care to name – I could go on. My words? My words are a litmus test for those who would see the truth of a message rather than the package it’s delivered in.”
Chris Kluwe is crazy smart. He is creative, articulate, thinks fast on his feet and has a core of beliefs that shine through everything he says.
He also writes beautifully. In the section entitled “The Rush” – his description of the process and experience of his day job – is very evocative, reading almost like poetry. “…as my left foot locks into the ground and all the muscles on my right lower side contract and then explode up through an expelled grunt of air, left arm fully outstretched to the sky, eyes never leaving the gold Wilson engraved on the side, though they’re not quick enough to actually see the moment of impact, and now I’m following through and time returns to normal again, an eternity of 1.2 seconds later.”
And when he talks about the sensation of reading a great book – it’s like he was pulling those thoughts and feelings straight from my own head. “The pure luxuriousness of reading a book in comfort is one of the greatest sensations in the world (sex is better, but only by a little bit). Curling up on an engulfing couch as snow drifts down outside, toes hidden beneath warm blankets; lying sideways on a cushioned chaise while cool sea breezes gently stir the sunny afternoon air; hiding under the covers with a flashlight while rain beats down outside, all of these anchored by a collection of thoughts and ideas bound together, alone in whatever world the author created. Such hedonistic delight in contemplation of the immaterial, the intangible. File under Satisfaction with Universe.”
I think the section that had the greatest impact on me (because this is another of my hot button issues) is “Bang Bang” – the essay he wrote on the day of Newtown. As a person, as a mother, that day was horrific for me. I couldn’t stop crying for those children, for those parents…and for the certainty that even though these were schoolchildren that were murdered, the NRA would not allow one single solitary thing to change in our country – and if they possibly could – they would make things even worse so that they could sell more guns and ensure more people would die. Kluwe, however, expresses his feelings of that day in bold and with many caps. He is angry, rightly so, as he maps out exactly what the gun fanatics would think and do after one of the darkest days in our country’s history. His letter to those who worship guns over human life is one of the most powerful I’ve ever read.
“Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies” is a book that made me think and laugh and learn. I loved reading it and I look forward to more books (and letters!) from Chris Kluwe.
mschlat's review against another edition
2.0
There a lot of reasons I should like this book --- it's written by a punter, it's aggressively liberal, and the humor is almost omnipresent. (The sparkleponies in the title represent Kluwe's attempt to replace some of his profanity with a more imaginative approach.) Heck, there are a few essays here with a science fiction bend that are positively inspired.
But I still found the book a slog to get through. Reason one is Kluwe's writing style, which is highly manic and hard for me to take in large doses. Reason two is Kluwe's earnestness. The book gets points from me for its takes on marriage equality, but I never felt that Kluwe advanced an argument that was based on anything besides his views on human rights. Everything was straightforward. I never really disagreed with him, but I also never saw any attempt to persuade or address nuance. Reason three (which I think Kluwe would agree with) is a lack of the personal. Kluwe almost always prefers to argue a principled stance instead of making a personal appeal. That's great for a letter to the editor or an online rant, but for an entire book, it feels sterile.
But I still found the book a slog to get through. Reason one is Kluwe's writing style, which is highly manic and hard for me to take in large doses. Reason two is Kluwe's earnestness. The book gets points from me for its takes on marriage equality, but I never felt that Kluwe advanced an argument that was based on anything besides his views on human rights. Everything was straightforward. I never really disagreed with him, but I also never saw any attempt to persuade or address nuance. Reason three (which I think Kluwe would agree with) is a lack of the personal. Kluwe almost always prefers to argue a principled stance instead of making a personal appeal. That's great for a letter to the editor or an online rant, but for an entire book, it feels sterile.
murph_the_serf's review against another edition
3.0
A book best read in small parts over time. Kluwe can be a funny guy but his humor is a touch too absurdist without the language backing necessary to be a great novelist. His short pieces are short for a reason and it seems he knows that but reading them all back to back doesn't do well for the second half of the book. If you were to keep this on your night stand or coffee table and read a few entries a night or just whenever you have a few moments it would serve the book the book much better.
katrinky's review against another edition
3.0
I liked this book. I like that Kluwe is unflappably curious, and passionate, and irreverent in the face of authority. I like that he knows he's overpaid, and that football is largely ridiculous. I didn't like the chapter about honesty wherein survivors of spousal abuse and women (specifically) who stay with their cheating (male) partners are delusional and dishonest to themselves. The people to blame for cheating and abuse are cheaters and abusers. Period. There's more at stake than telling oneself the truth, when physical and/or emotional trauma are involved.
This is at once a silly book (funeral drinking games, literary rickrolls, the index, oh god, the index WHICH IS SO FUNNY) and a deeply serious book (letters to the Supreme Court and several newspapers, and thoughtful essays imagining future technologies and their consequences). It was clearly written hastily, and several chapters are not necessary. But Kluwe is fiercely smart, and so funny, and above all, indelibly committed to his values (most of which I agree with, so this is a pro, not a con). I like that in a punter, and I especially like that in a human.
Gems from the index:
asshole(s):
asshole fuckwits vs douchegbags, 198
Beats by Dre: 100 [kluwe is NOT A FAN]
children
dinosaurs, appeal of, 200, 239
colonoscopies, explodigng, 87, 88
cum-gargling shitmilitias, 43
dumbasses, yourself and others, 133
language, 16-18
Caps Lock and, 135
poop-sniffers, 135
television
Kluwe's wife's favorite shows, 32
As mindless pap, 8
This is at once a silly book (funeral drinking games, literary rickrolls, the index, oh god, the index WHICH IS SO FUNNY) and a deeply serious book (letters to the Supreme Court and several newspapers, and thoughtful essays imagining future technologies and their consequences). It was clearly written hastily, and several chapters are not necessary. But Kluwe is fiercely smart, and so funny, and above all, indelibly committed to his values (most of which I agree with, so this is a pro, not a con). I like that in a punter, and I especially like that in a human.
Gems from the index:
asshole(s):
asshole fuckwits vs douchegbags, 198
Beats by Dre: 100 [kluwe is NOT A FAN]
children
dinosaurs, appeal of, 200, 239
colonoscopies, explodigng, 87, 88
cum-gargling shitmilitias, 43
dumbasses, yourself and others, 133
language, 16-18
Caps Lock and, 135
poop-sniffers, 135
television
Kluwe's wife's favorite shows, 32
As mindless pap, 8
stiricide's review against another edition
DNF'd ~30pp. I like Kluwe, I like his essays, but this collection is utterly incoherent. If there's a linear progression to the way these op-eds are presented, I can't find it, and they're otherwise totally unrelated from one to the next. It's a discombobulating read and I just can't do it.
abhrasach's review against another edition
4.0
An irreverent, sometimes hilarious, sometimes deep-thinky read, exactly what I'd expected of Kluwe. Best read in small doses, to avoid blog-book exhaustion. It made me care about football for entire minutes at a time, largely because he succeeds in making it about people and not products. Occasional moments of ally fail, unfortunately. But best profanity-bleeping ever. (Chances are, if you've heard of the book, you knew that.)
shogins's review against another edition
1.0
Look, Chris Kluwe is clearly a smart guy, and comes up with great turns of phrase. It's just that once I've read one hilarious profanity-laced screed against "traditional marriage" supporters, it seems like I've read them all. I totally agree with his pro-marriage equality position, but I don't need to read him make the same point with slight variations over and over again. And the majority of the rest of the essays were boring. I think he writes very well - it just turns out that I have minimal interest in what he has to say.
(Oh yeah, I received this book through the Goodreads First Reads giveaway program.)
(Oh yeah, I received this book through the Goodreads First Reads giveaway program.)
moirab's review against another edition
4.0
Definitely breaking the dumb jock stereotype, Kluwe writes on politics and controversial issues in a way that (hopefully) appeals to a wider audience. It's helpful that I agree with him on most things, and maybe he can sway a few kinds towards a more empathetic existence.
kt42reads's review against another edition
4.0
This collection of essays, at its best points, reminded me strongly of George Carlin in his peak years. Witty, incisive, blunt, and thoughtful.
Some of the pieces are not as strong, but that's to be expected in any collection. On the whole, a very strong response to the times in which we live.
Some of the pieces are not as strong, but that's to be expected in any collection. On the whole, a very strong response to the times in which we live.